#1The Monologue
Nvidia announced it's buying Hugging Face for roughly thirteen billion dollars. So the company that sells the shovels has now purchased… the hole. Re: Tech Startups — Top Tech News Today, August 27, 2026
Meta agreed to a settlement of up to seventeen billion dollars over claims it designed its apps to hook teenagers. The company denies the apps were addictive — and asks that you please stop scrolling long enough to read the denial. Re: Democracy Now! — Headlines for August 27, 2026
Amazon is shutting down Mechanical Turk after twenty-one years, ending the marketplace where humans did tiny tasks to train machines. The humans have been thanked for their service — by the thing they trained to replace them. Re: Tech Startups — Top Tech News Today, August 26, 2026
A pastry shop owner in Liskeard, Cornwall, filmed a wallaby bouncing down the middle of town on his morning drive. Police responded and could not find it; the RSPCA notes England has an established wild wallaby population from decades of escapes.
A Virginia man bought twenty copies of the same Pick 4 ticket for a single drawing. The numbers came up, and all twenty tickets paid — for a total of one hundred thousand dollars.
A kitten found inside an excavator in Ohio was rescued by the construction crew working the site. She has been kept on — with her own vest and hard hat.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'New Meta Glasses Feature Reminds Users To Blink To Appear Human' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/new-meta-glasses-feature-reminds-users-to-blink-to-appear-human/
'Canada Vows To Retaliate Against Trump With Crippling Moose Tariff' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/canada-vows-to-retaliate-against-trump-with-crippling-moose-tariff
'Physicists concede that energy CAN be destroyed, after brief visit to Ipswich' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/08/26/physicists-concede-that-energy-can-be-destroyed-after-brief-visit-to-ipswich/
'Prince Harry, Meghan Markle Moving Back To U.K.' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/prince-harry-meghan-markle-moving-back-to-u-k/
After real license plate readers went missing in Oviedo, Florida, an officer printed decoy cameras at home on a personal 3D printer and mounted them as bait. The city's mayor said she had no idea the sting was happening and described herself as speechless.
#7The Groaner
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
