#1The Monologue
Nvidia is reportedly buying Hugging Face for twelve-point-nine billion dollars, and regulators in Europe say the deal will have to clear a full antitrust review. Twelve-point-nine billion for a company whose logo — is an emoji. Re: Nvidia's $12.9B Hugging Face Deal Must Pass Antitrust Review — TechTimes
OpenAI is shutting down the official DALL-E tool inside ChatGPT today, and is advising users to download any images they want to keep before the deadline. So somewhere out there, a man is frantically saving eleven thousand pictures of a cat dressed as Napoleon — because nobody else will. Re: Top Tech News Today, August 28, 2026 — Tech Startups
College football opened its season with Louisiana Christian, an NAIA school, beating Division One Northwestern State forty-two to thirty-seven — the first time in history an NAIA team has beaten a scholarship Division One program. Northwestern State has since renamed the game — "a scrimmage." Re: College Football World Reacts to Historic Upset on Opening Night — Yahoo Sports
In Switzerland, three men jumped onto a giant inflatable airbag and catapulted a fourth man 92.58 feet into the air, setting a new Guinness World Record for "blobbing."
Construction workers installing a new sewer line in an old Belgian building uncovered gold coins and bars worth 10.4 million dollars, which they initially mistook for ordinary euro currency. Under Belgian law, the rightful owner has five years to come forward and claim it.
A kitten rescued from inside an excavator has been made a permanent member of an Ohio construction crew, issued her own safety vest and hard hat.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Trump Makes Repeated Verbal Flubs While Performing Wild Wild West Theme Song' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/trump-makes-repeated-verbal-flubs-while-performing-wild-wild-west-theme-song/
'Worm Girl Asks Worm Boyfriend If He'd Still Love Her If She Were A Human' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/worm-girl-asks-worm-boyfriend-if-hed-still-love-her-if-she-were-a-human
'Rocky Balboa gets salmonella' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/08/28/rocky-balboa-gets-salmonella/
'Robert Plant Admits Hair Is Noodles' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/rock/robert-plant-admits-hair-is-noodles/
The Polk County Sheriff's Office Agricultural Crimes Unit is cracking down on people illegally harvesting saw palmetto berries from private ranches and groves. In Florida, picking the berries without a state permit is a third-degree felony carrying up to five years in prison; the berries themselves fetch between 75 cents and $3.50 a pound.
#7The Groaner
I used to hate facial hair — but then it grew on me.
