#1The Monologue
Alaska's Senate ballot this year contains two separate men named Dan Sullivan, and the New York Times now reports the second one was recruited by operatives aligned with the Democratic challenger. Alaska uses ranked-choice voting, so residents will be asked to rank the Dan Sullivans in order of preference — which is, I'm told, also how the state handles its moose. Re: NPR
Alphabet announced this week that its capital spending will top three hundred billion dollars in 2027, and the stock promptly fell ten percent. Investors reportedly loved the part where Google explained the money was for artificial intelligence, and loved slightly less the part where Google could not explain anything after that. Re: CNBC
Binance confirmed Thursday that six point three billion dollars in cryptocurrency was stolen in roughly twenty minutes, making it the largest crypto heist in history. Investigators say the breach began with one compromised laptop — so the entire decentralized future of money was, in the end, undone by somebody who should not have clicked that. Re: NBC News
Researchers at ETH Zurich's Soft Robotics Lab published video and a pre-print paper detailing a disembodied robotic hand that propels itself across surfaces using its own fingers. The team compared it to Thing from The Addams Family.
A Grand Rapids police dog named Rocco required surgery after his handler spilled crock pot juice on his landscaping stones and Rocco ate several of them. An X-ray confirmed a stomach full of rocks; he came through surgery fine and went home the next day.
A British collector set a Guinness World Record by opening seven packs of basketball trading cards in one minute while strapped to the wing of a 1940s Boeing Stearman biplane at six hundred feet. He lost no cards to the one-hundred-twenty-mile-per-hour wind.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Poll: Majority Of Americans Still Go Bonkers For Amber Waves Of Grain' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/poll-majority-of-americans-still-go-bonkers-for-amber-waves-of-grain/
'Wife Relieved To Learn Husband Lost Entire Paycheck On Prediction Market Instead Of Sports Betting' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/wife-relieved-to-learn-husband-lost-entire-paycheck-on-prediction-market-instead-of-sports-betting
'Man Who Wanted His Money Outside The Reach Of Traditional Authorities Now Pretty Keen For Traditional Authorities To Get It Back' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/30/man-who-wanted-his-money-outside-the-reach-of-traditional-authorities-now-pretty-keen-for-traditional-authorities-to-get-it-back/
'Glenn Danzig Changes Ways After Being Visited By Ghosts Of Halloween Past, Present, And Future' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/music/punk-hardcore/glenn-danzig-changes-ways-after-being-visited-by-ghosts-of-halloween-past-present-and-future/
Dozens of demonstrators gathered outside Liberty Mutual's Boston headquarters to demand the retirement of Liberty Biberty, a yellow ball of fur in a Statue of Liberty crown built by Jim Henson's Creature Shop. The protest was organized by a nineteen-year-old whose anti-mascot video drew six hundred thousand views, and it drew exactly one counter-protester, dressed as Liberty Biberty.
#7The Groaner
I tried to catch some fog this morning. Mist.
