#1The Monologue
Sam Altman confirmed OpenAI is building a humanoid robot, promised a "cool demo" in 2027, and added that the physical body matters less than the brain — so what they've announced is a robot that is currently a vibe. Re: India TV News — Sam Altman confirms humanoid robot plans, says demo could arrive in 2027
Tesla unveiled a Roadster that climbs a curved ramp upside down, fires ten compressed-air thrusters, flips in midair, and lands on its wheels. Production starts in 2028 — meaning the car can do a backflip four full years before it can do a left turn. Re: TechCrunch — Tesla reveals SpaceX-powered Roadster that flies and falls with style
Albertans spent today voting on whether to begin the legal process toward a second, binding referendum on separating from Canada. So it was a vote about whether to hold a vote — and somewhere in a provincial office, a bureaucrat quietly wept with joy. Re: CP24 — High-stakes referendum vote underway across Alberta
A copy of Herman Wouk's "War and Remembrance," last checked out of the Oak Bay branch on September 1, 1983, turned up at the Greater Victoria Public Library this month — dusty, cracked spine, no barcode, paper card still tucked inside. The library owes no fine, having abolished them in 2024, and nobody knows who returned it.
Ten national teams of four gathered on the Croatian island of Brac to harvest as many olives as possible in 45 minutes. Finland — a country with no olive trees — won with 122.1 pounds, beating the Czech Republic and Poland.
Brady Rogers, a 33-year-old Kelowna, British Columbia business owner, ran for city council on signs reading "I barely want to do this," "Just trying to pay my rent," and "Fine. I'll do it." He finished fourth out of 37 candidates with 12,635 votes.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Trump Boasts Tariffs A Huge Success At Making Things Expensive' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/trump-boasts-tariffs-a-huge-success-at-making-things-expensive/
'New Parents Celebrate Baby Sleeping Through The Night By Waking Up Every 20 Minutes To Check If He's Alive' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/new-parents-celebrate-baby-sleeping-through-the-night-by-waking-up-every-20-minutes-to-check-if-hes-alive/
'Britain asks whether new £100 phone noise fine could also include a little bit of prison' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/19/britain-asks-whether-new-100-phone-noise-fine-could-also-include-a-little-bit-of-prison/
'TSA Agent Pats Down Family at End of Long Workday' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/tsa-agent-pats-down-family-at-end-of-long-workday/
A South Carolina man stopped at Scotts Food Store on Heckle Boulevard in Rock Hill on his way home from work, bought a ten dollar Triple Red 777 ticket, and hit the game's first top prize at odds of one in 1,272,000. He cashed it, stayed anonymous, and went back to work.
#7The Groaner
My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo — I had to put my foot down.
