#1The Monologue
Netflix reported revenue up almost 12 percent this quarter to nearly 13 billion dollars, and in the same breath announced it's cutting about a thousand jobs — roughly six percent of its workforce. The algorithm has finally figured out who to recommend for layoffs. Re: CNBC — Netflix Q3 2026 earnings
OpenAI is reportedly racing to close a 30 billion dollar funding round at a valuation above 1.4 trillion dollars, hoping to lock it in before a competitor goes public. A 1.4 trillion dollar company passing around a hat — that's not a funding round, that's a telethon. Re: Tech Startups — Tech News Today, October 20, 2026
ESPN, the NFL and Lucasfilm announced that Super Bowl 61 will get a real-time animated alternate broadcast set in the Star Wars galaxy, with every play recreated by digital avatars and Anthony Daniels back as C-3PO. So in February you'll be able to watch an offensive line get beaten by a Wookiee — which is, frankly, the first explanation that's ever made sense. Re: StarWars.com — Star Wars Funday Football Takes on Super Bowl LXI
Brady Rogers, a 33-year-old manufacturing business owner in Kelowna, British Columbia, papered the city with campaign signs reading "I barely want to do this," "How hard could it be," and "Just trying to pay my rent." He finished fourth out of 34 candidates with 12,635 votes and now holds a seat on city council.
A copy of Herman Wouk's "War and Remembrance," due back at the Oak Bay branch of the Greater Victoria Public Library on September 1, 1983, was returned last week with a cracked spine and its original paper check-out card still inside. The borrower owed nothing, because the library abolished overdue fines in 2024.
A large green parrot got into Terminal 5 at Chicago O'Hare through an open door and spent hours perching on travelers' heads, landing on luggage and nipping at people in the Air France check-in line. An airport janitor eventually cornered the bird using her own shirt and took it to a veterinarian.
#5Meanwhile, In Satire
'Druid Loving This Cloak Weather' — The Onion, https://theonion.com/druid-loving-this-cloak-weather/
'New Parents Celebrate Baby Sleeping Through The Night By Waking Up Every 20 Minutes To Check If He's Alive' — The Babylon Bee, https://babylonbee.com/news/new-parents-celebrate-baby-sleeping-through-the-night-by-waking-up-every-20-minutes-to-check-if-hes-alive/
'Britain asks whether new £100 phone noise fine could also include a little bit of prison' — NewsThump, https://newsthump.com/2026/10/19/britain-asks-whether-new-100-phone-noise-fine-could-also-include-a-little-bit-of-prison/
'McDonald's Debuts Clearance Menu' — The Hard Times, https://thehardtimes.net/culture/mcdonalds-debuts-clearance-menu/
Circuit of the Americas in Austin partnered with boot brand Tecovas to build a fiberglass cowboy hat measuring 43 feet wide, 47 feet long and 17 feet tall, with a bar underneath it. A Guinness World Records adjudicator confirmed it Monday as the world's largest fiberglass sculpture of a hat.
#7The Groaner
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? Somebody told him to get a long, little doggie.
